She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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