omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
