I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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