I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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