yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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