Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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