I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
