It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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