his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
