I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
