Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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