Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
