If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
