so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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