Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
