Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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