New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
