I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
