I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
