Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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