Who did Billy Mays play for?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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