just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
