IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
