bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
