Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
