I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My balls are so social today.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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