Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
