Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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