My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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