I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
