all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
