it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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