My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
