I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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