the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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