you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
