She just used a chaser for red wine.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
