Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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