i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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