I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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