i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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