I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
