You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
