why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
