Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
