there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
