Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
