so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
