I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
