I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
